i don't knowwww

Sigh...It's been awhile. Been quite busy, finals, papers and shit.
Been kinda agitated about the whole 'about to graduate. must find good internship.' thing. i'm a junior but people are already freakin' out about internships cause when senior year starts, people will already start getting job offers by october. fuckers.
this is the 1st time in my life that i feel like i can't see my future. in high school, you know you're heading to college. i know that i'm heading towards a job, but i just can't see what kinda job i'm gonna do. i can't do much with my anthro major in hk and that's where i wanna live, at least for now. so i'm taking finance right now. not interested in it at all.
and i just got an interview for a world music director position at the radio station, not sure how well it went. i applied for music director (who looks over indie rock/pop stuff) and didn't get it. was a sucker punch to the stomach. so i'm not going to hold high hopes for this one. but the truth is, i really want/need a leadership position.
planning your life out and staying on track is overrated. but i can't helpt it because i'm the one whose most 'on track' out of my siblings. there's lots of pressure for me to do well. fuck.
i don't know where i'm going.

June Taylor Jams

June Taylor has a respect for food that is becoming more and more rare these days...

An example of the lack of respect for food can be seen in a recent scandal in China, where diary products tainted "with the industrial chemical melamine has caused the death of four infants and sickened tens of thousands of others". It's easy to point the finger at capitalism (or even at China, which is commonly perceived as an 'inhumane', authoritative country) and say that all corporate producers care about is profits, profits, profits and could care less about people's wellbeing.

But I think it's also useful to think about how the profit-oriented capitalist system is contributing to our culture of food. Now, it's more common to view food in terms of its monetary cost, rather than its quality. But then there's the problem that it's not like people don't want to buy quality food, but they're just too expensive. Then there're the questions, "Why is our system set up in such a way that quality food is hard to purchase?" and "Are there other ways that we don't need to perpetuate this industrial food system?"

Read up! I recc Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma (Wiki, Excerpt of book). Interesting stuff to excite your brain juices.

But on a lighter note, haha this summer my older bro's ex-gf went to France. And to be nice to the family, she bought a jar of orange tea jam for our family of 5. It was so good + exotic that it was finished within 2 days. Haha and my mom told my brother to ask his then-gf if she had anymore. And she was like, '...No...I didn't know you guys will finish it that fast...It'll take me a whole semester to finish that jar...So I don't have anymore...' She doesn't understand that with a family of this size, you have to fight for food. There's the thinking that who ever's the slowest will just miss out, so that just perpetuates the system of food fighting and make the food disappear quicker, bla bla... Haha

Source: Cooling Hunting + Time

Nina Simone - Ain't Got No...I've Got Life

Nina Simone, in Harlem 1969

The 50s-60s seem like a cool time to live in. People were just so involved in the anti-war, civil rights, counterculture movements. Music was reactive and provided meaningful social commentary.

Got hold of the Feb issue of Mojo, was an interview with Joni Mitchell:

There's a strong undercurrent of discontent in Shine [her recently released album]. What are your feelings about the government these days?

I was angry at the handling of New Orleans and how quick the American people were to impeach a man for sex and how slow to move on other things that made everyone in the world want to nuke America. I was also angry at the inability of this generation to know what to do; their inability to move at all, which is an unusual thing for youth.

What do you mean?

In their youth, my generation was ready to change the world, but when the baton was passed to them in the '70s they fell into a mass depression because all the revolutionaries are quick to demolish and slow to fix. When handed the baton to fix it, they didn't know what to do so they kind of degenerated into the greediest generation in the history of America - the hippy, yippie, yuppie transition from the '60s to the '70s to the greedy '80s and Ronald Reagan.

[...]

Machiavelli said, "People don't know what to do with peace. It always degenerates into fashion and fornication," and that's what we have.

EDIT: Nina Simone - Ain't Got No...I've Got Life (megaupload)

Happy Holidays!!

Sorry kids, I totally forgot to say "Happy Holidays!!!!" 

I think 'happy holidays' is a safer bet compared to 'merry Christmas' because I don't know what you're celebrating... At least I don't really celebrate Christmas, I think it's just an excuse for some Chinese to get a holiday break ('Some' referring to the fact that mainland Chinese don't get those days off). 

You can skip the rest of the entry, it's just personal ranting.

Anyway, it's weird coming back to the city. Everything seems to be in a hurry. People, in general, don't seem to give a shit about you and so most of them end up treating you like shit. Got that vibe a couple times already. I think people in college just don't really care, which is quite different from chucking crap your way. My Dad, brother, and I kinda got that treatment when we were at the British Consulate when we were renewing our passports.

The British lady was very impatient with us and verbally abusing us throughout, as if we were some soft-spoken Chinese who were easily pushed around (which we end up being, we couldn't do much to her other than bitch about her in Cantonese). 

One instant was that my brother didn't have the right photos, his face wasn't big enough in it, so the lady told him to use the photo booth on the other side of the floor. But we found out that we didn't have enough change. So we were discussing if he should get his passport done in HK or the States, cause the lady said that she couldn't insure that it'll be done before the day he leaves. Then the lady looked up and said, "Why are you still here? Go over there and take the photo." She even gave us a look. As if we were so stupid that we couldn't follow her simple order. 

I'm not making a generalization that British people are like this, but I hate it when people in power do shit like that. You're pretty much at their mercy. I hate that. We're cooperating. We're being polite. Why take advantage of that and push us around? 

The sad thing is, there's no way out of that. Like, you need a passport. You can't just say, "I'm not taking this shit anymore" and walk out. You need it as a part of your legal identity. You need it to travel. I need it to get back to the States to study. I just felt so dependent.

I don't know if it's just me, but I seem to have pretty bad experiences with government-related people... The lady who took my ID photo and stuff kinda did the same thing.

Well, all I know is: Treat people like people and not like shit. I guess for certain people and certain circumstances, it's easier said than done... But I know I'll try.

Glitches and Such

Maybe it's just me who's making a big deal out of this. But I just found out that if I don't take my flight on the 16th, I can't get leave St. Louis until 12/28. When I do get back to HK, it'll be 30th. Then I've got to leave and get back to St.Lo on 1/12. Then there's no point in getting back because the tickets are just too freakin' expensive to just go home for like 11 days.

I don't want to spend Christmas here alone, cause all my suitemates are heading back home. I told my little brother about this and he said that it's just Christmas, some freakin' holiday that Chinese don't celebrate. I told him that he'll understand next year, when he's in college. It's not about the holiday, I just want to spend some time with my family. I really miss home :(

Like when I tell my suitemates about this, they said that there'll always be tickets available, it's just the matter of price. But I don't want to waste my family's money, the ticket's like $1500! And I'm not getting a refund for the ticket I currently have.

It's funny. Cause people just don't see your situation as you see it. I'm kinda stressed out right now. I think they're trying to be objective so that I won't get all upset over this. But all I want right now is someone's sympathy. Pathetic, I know.

Well, I hope my professor will move my exam date earlier. Cause he said he stands quite firm on no make-ups unless it's a family or medical emergency. One of my suitemates said I should've lied. Who knew that honesty can be such a bitch.

Sorry if this isn't an entry you were expecting. But one day, I'll read this and just laugh at how this thing unfolded, how upset I got over this little mess up. Life is more than this. I know. People are starving out there and I'm brought down by this?! I know. But little things like these can bog you down.